Nine Years With My Best Friend
Buster came into my life in 2010 as a 2 or 3 year old scrawny and very scared rescue from Animal Control. We weren’t in the house ten minutes and he pooped. I almost brought him back but was convinced not to by my ex-girlfriend who convinced me to take him home in the first place. If it wasn’t for her Buster was on his way out, he had been at Animal Control for 5 weeks and was headed for death row. We rescued Buster and Buster rescued me plenty over the years. He was always there for me unconditionally.
When I first got Buster, I took him to the vet for a checkup and found out he had BB Pellets under his skin near his eye, his chest, his ribs, etc. Some scumbag shot him up and to this day I wish I could find him.
Buster always had the best food, filtered water, plenty of exercise and plenty of love from myself and anyone who came over and everyone who knew him.
I am not sure if Buster ran away from his original home or was tossed away by his owner but other than his initial ‘accident in the house he was already house broken, sweet and loving with other people, especially kids and very friendly with other dogs…almost a little ‘too friendly with them at the dog park as he humped away!
I remember Buster’s first trip to the dog park like it was yesterday, when that leash came off he ran like the wind, he ran around that park like a maniac. From that day on Buster and I went to the dog park on a regular basis. When I asked if he wanted to go to the park he would jump up and down and spin around in a circle and run right out the door and jump right in my truck.
Buster loved taking a ride anywhere at any time, even today on his last day he went for a ride with enthusiasm, no jumping in the truck these days, he needs a ramp and a little help but nonetheless always quick for a ride.
As the years went by, Buster and I developed an undeniable bond, he would stare out the window waiting for me to come home, he knew when it got close to 7:30 and he would be up and waiting for me in the loft looking out the window. I could see him jump up and start barking as he ran down the stairs to greet me. We had a ritual where he would run outside and sniff around, greet anyone else who was outside, pee on everything he could and then he was ready to eat.
Buster loved to lay on the couch (dogs have never been aloud on the couch but somebody let him up once and that was it) He would lay with me, lay on me, cuddle with me and was clearly happy as could be. Buster loved to have his belly rubbed as you can see in one of his pictures, which was his daily pose until I rubbed his belly.
He would sit by my side when someone came to the house to do work, he would bark at anyone that came near the driveway he was a great guard dog always keeping me safe in his mind.
He was playful, had an insane pile of toys but always went crazy for a new one so I would bring him a new one constantly. One day Buster brought me a toy…or so he thought. He was so proud he caught a duck and brought it in the house and laid it at my feet! A week later Buster caught another duck that was still alive and brought it in the house again. It ran around the house, pooping everywhere and running into the slider I had to get the duck out side and keep Buster away from it. The duck made a hell of a mess before we got him outside.
I have 5 acres of woods behind my house with a lot of wildlife back there. The raccoons would come into the yard at night and Buster would go nuts barking against the slider and run them off. One time he got into it with one in the yard I was so scared he would catch rabies, I separated them with my pool brush and luckily Buster just had a few scratches.
Buster loved kids, he was always so sweet with them but as a Boxer he likes to ‘box’ with his paws and always played a little rough with small kids and other dogs.
For a few years Buster had a buddy that lived with us named Giovanni that belonged to my ex he was a little pug that was clearly the Alpha male, he bossed Buster around plenty but he was no match for Buster’s paws. They would run around the yard, have a Mexican standoff and run around some more. They slept together and ate together, usually with Giovanni trying to eat Buster’s food as well as his but Buster was always gracious.
He was always healthy, any vet visits were either just a checkup or his yearly shots with the exception of him scratching his cornea on 3 separate occasions until I found the culprit and rectified the situation. My hedges of all things, he would run thru them when he saw an animal on the other side. I always thought Buster would just grow old, the thought of him going early never crossed my mind.
A few months ago Buster stopped eating, I thought maybe he ate something that upset his stomach, when he skipped the next meal we went to the vet a quick x-ray produced nothing abnormal we chalked it up to him being finicky and tried some different food which he gladly ate…for a few days. Back to the vet for blood work, still nothing abnormal. Switch his food up again and he is eating again for another few days. third visit to the vet an ultrasound reveals a 2 cm growth on his liver. The worst case scenario and we immediately visit an internal specialist who will stick a needle in the growth to find out what it is. Of course I already know what it is and in this short time that one small tumor became 4 tumors on his liver and a 5th in his lung. This was a rapid spreading cancer with no chance of stopping it.
My only option was chemotherapy. Give my dog a pill that is labeled radioactive and that I must wear gloves to give him and with no guarantee of anything other than making him sick, lethargic and even less of an appetite only to keep him alive for my sake. I spoke to my regular vet and we agreed that is a torture Buster did not deserve.
Buster was given ‘days to weeks’ two months ago…I asked weeks as in months and was told no…weeks as in a few weeks. I did everything I could to keep him happy, comfortable and feed him. He was s finicky (common side effect of this type of cancer)
The cancer was eating his muscle, it ate protein quicker than I could get it in him. I would experiment with ten different foods at a time, sometimes he would eat the same food for a few days or even weeks but when he got sick of it I would try something new. Each time the cycle decreased from weeks of the same food to days of the same food to one day then down to one meal and then he would not eat the same thing.
It was very frustrating but I would not give up until I found what he would eat. Steak, chicken, turkey, ribs, sausage, pork, cold cuts, sandwiches, rice, eggs, sweet potato, dog treats, dog ice cream. In the end he was eating liverworst! I ran out of cold cuts to try and gave that a shot, who would have thought.
It became a 2 to 3 hour ritual morning and night to get him to eat, the anxiety and pain of him not eating was terrible and the joy when he finally would eat was an overwhelming relief. It meant I bought myself another day. I would not eat until he did which sometimes meant not eating at all some days, I lost 12 lbs with him.
I had to ration his water because if he drank too much after he ate he would throw it all up with the pills. I felt terrible doing it but knew he had to wait a little to drink for his own benefit. These past few days his vomiting and newly acquired regurgitation were an obvious sign that it was time.
He was on medication to control nausea, increase his appetite, steroids all of which I had to trick him to take with food..but what food was the question of the day every day. Of course after two months of these medications he had built up a tolerance and they were not as effective either which was not helping matters. His last week I had to put the pills down is throat to spark his appetite and control his nausea enough to eat.
Over the past few weeks we slept in the bed together because Buster needed to go out several times a night, he would hop up which woke me up and we would go right outside at 1 in the morning, 3 in the morning, and again at 5 in the morning almost every night. He would have a hard time doing his business because he was getting weak. He was 70 lbs and now 54 lbs the cancer had eaten 25% of him by this point and was was getting weaker by the day.
I would leave work to come home and let him out, even hired someone to help so he didn’t have any accidents because the few that he did have made him very sad.
On our last vet visit a week ago my vet (always a straight shooter with me) told me to let him know when I was ready. He knew Buster was ready and I told him I wasn’t but I knew that was his way of telling me it had to be done for Buster’s sake.
Poor Buster, he was a trooper! He hung in there and would always show me little ‘normal’ things to keep me from seeing how bad he was feeling. I probably could have dragged it out another week but at Buster’s expense. I love Buster, the last thing I wanted was for him to be sad, sick, weak or not himself just to give me a few more days which he graciously did.
I took 3 days off of work thanks to my Mother who also loved him very much, to spend time with Buster knowing that I would have to make the tough decision that I made today. My friend’s fiancee happens to be a vet, she came to the house. Buster was in his favorite bed (he had 5 of them all around the house) I gave him his favorite cookies which were the only consistent thing he would eat and she sedated him first. He slowly slid into his bed, his eyes told me he was ready. In my heart I was nowhere near ready but I knew it had to be done for his sake. She gave him the second part of the procedure and Buster left this world. It was so sad, I am sobbing as I write this. I took a picture of us before it was over and it came out all blurry. Maybe his spirit leaving us, maybe my shaky hand as I cried uncontrollably.
I had so many emotions running thru my mind, sadness, anger and GUILT. Did I end his life too soon, should I have hung in there longer? Did he want me to keep him here longer? Did I wait too long, was he suffering? Did he want to go sooner? Did he feel like I tossed him away or did he feel relief? Did he feel abandoned? Had I failed at ‘fixing’ him or did he know I did everything I could to keep him comfortable? Nobody will ever know except my poor Buster Boy himself.
After she left to have Buster cremated privately for me so I can spread his ashes at his favorite place..the dog beach, a black cloud came over my house, wind, thunder, lightning out of nowhere. Maybe it was Buster leaving us, maybe I am reading too much into it but it left as quickly as it came.
It was next to impossible to make myself go to sleep, I slept with Buster’s blanket like an infant. I cried myself to sleep and spent so much time trying to force myself to sleep that I didn’t even take the time to think about how difficult waking up would be.
The minute I would wake up, Buster was there, usually in the room before I woke up to make me get up to feed him (before he got sick) His little nub (cropped tail) wagging as he was very excited to get me up. Buster wasn’t there this morning, the house sickeningly quiet like an abandoned building. Not having Buster to greet me is going to take a long time to work thru.
I can truly say that for the first time in my life I know what a broken heart feels like. He really was my best friend and will always be loved and missed.
My house is so empty without Buster. I know it just happened and I know it will get better with time but I miss him so much. Buster was always here, if I went in another room, he followed me, if I went to bed he came with me, when I left the house he stared out the window until I came home.
Thank you Buster for 9 great years, I wish we had more but I am so thankful for the time we had together. I miss you so much Buster.